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Sometimes I think I'm old....
Especially when I had this convo with a girl in my class:
Girl: My fiance is mad at me.
Me: Why?
Girl: Well, I started out in a different program and dropped that and started nursing
Me: Why would that make him mad at you?
Girl: Well, he knows I don't want to have kids until I graduate and that is going to put off kids for at least another 2 years.
Me: Well that is not so bad. 2 years goes by really fast....
Girl: Well, I am just going to be so old when I start having kids. My clock is ticking!!!
Me: How old are you?
Girl: 22
Me: (dumb look) um, that is not old....
Girl: How old are you?
Me: um, (embarrassed look) I am 27 and I don't have kids yet....
Girl: Oh..... well.... you have plenty of time I'm sure...
This is proof that people really need to watch the things they say to others. Obviously this girl thought I was her age and could relate... instead she just embarrassed both of us....
I am so sick of people telling me I need to start working on having a baby... I will have a baby when I (and my husband and GOD) decide to have a baby. It is between us. Not between my family or my friends or my neighbors or random people I don't even know.
I do not like people telling me my eggs are going to "rot" if I don't hurry up (yes people actually have said that to me MULTIPLE times). I don't want people thinking about my eggs at all. They are MY EGGS!!!
Having a baby is a personal choice and WHEN people decide to make that choice is up to them. It is not "fun" conversation to have with people you don't even know. If you don't know someone, you don't know if perhaps that person has tried having a baby and are having problems or maybe they just aren't ready. You don't know if you are hurting people by bringing up a sensitive subject... This topic should officially be added to the list of things you DON'T TALK ABOUT!!
The do not talk about list:
- politics
- religion
- when are you going to have a baby? (!!!!!!)
Ok, vent over...
PS: Just to clarify incase you were wondering... I definitely WANT children one day but there are no immediate plans for "baby Walter"... sorry to disappoint.
You're not old. I was 34 when I had my girls, and their birth didn't show up in the Guinness Book of World Records (as far as I know...let me go check). :o) All kidding aside, I agree 100%. I don't know why a woman's reproductive system, fertility and sex life are anyone's business.
ReplyDeleteI'm one of those people who strugged through infertility for 7 years while people cracked jokes about "are you sure you know how?" and "hurry up, your little sister has had two by now".
ReplyDeleteI agree, it isn't anyone's business, and you risk really hurting someone by asking too much.
Sounds like your classmate started the conversation more about her own doubts about her decisions.
Let me tell you - ENJOY your time as a married couple. Your baby will be just as wonderful when he/she joins you - don't let anyone stress you about it! :)
uh wow! I'm sorry! She is 22 years old! Honestly she shouldn't even be thinking about having kids! haha. She needs to enjoy being married first and her youth. I cannot even believe at 27 people are telling you your eggs are going to rot! People who get married young and have kids right away end up not lasting because they never had time to themselves. Don't let anyone tell you how to live your life!
ReplyDeleteOh I so hear you on that one. I am 31 and people are always bugging me.
ReplyDeleteI get this all the time! So glad you posted about this. Sometimes I feel so uncomfortable when people start in the baby issue or politics. I literally run in the other direction.
ReplyDeleteAmen amen amen! I know what you mean! And you're right! What if someone CAN'T have a baby? What then? People are so insensitive!
ReplyDeleteI get so tired of that. My hubby and I are getting close to the 3-year mark on our marriage, and people act like we should have already had kids...
ReplyDeleteI'm 24 and he's 25. We. Still. Have. Time.
We're trying to avoid getting in that rut thing you get in with kids (no privacy, EXTREME exhaustion, etc.), spend some time together, travel some, and how about saving some money so we can be responsible parents?
Also, we're just plain not ready to raise a child yet.
And your eggs aren't going to rot. Especially at 27. Believe me. People manage to make babies up into their 40's ... I think you'll be fine :)
Ugh AGREED! I will be 26 this year, and EVERYONE gives me crap for not wanting to have a baby (which I'm sure you have heard my vents on my blog). My husband and I love our life and IF one day we decide to have a baby it will be OUR choice. Good post... so many peeps out there need to hear the message loud and clear! Kisses, Rach
ReplyDeletethis is just so funny. I mean she is only 22 in what two years she will be 24. I feel the same way it is up to you and your husband when you want to have children. Now that we have one we are always getting the oh she needs a brother or sister. We will do it when we are ready.. Have a great day. My Round Robin is Friday if you want to share.. You Rock...
ReplyDeleteI can totally relate, but in a slightly different way. I can't count on all of my fingers and toes combined the number of times that someone has made the marriage comment to me.
ReplyDeleteI am in no hurry. I'm 21 and I feel like I have sooooo much ahead of me to even worry about marriage right now. My focus is school and if something happens between now and the finish date so be it, but I'm not walking around saying, "Ohhhhh my gosh. My clock is freakin' ticking. I need a ring. I need a ceremony. I neeeed a marriage. NOW."
And, I especially don't think that someone at the age of 22 should be worried about their ticking clock...unless there's something we don't know about.
All that aside, I agree with you, Amy. It's not people's business. When they see you with a baby bump, or they receive a pregnancy announcement via however-the-heck they get it, then they can make baby comments. That's that.
P.S. I think you should totally add "When are you due?" to your list. I've known a couple of people who have been confronted with that question when they're not even thinking about having a(nother) child.
I so agree with you! I got so tired of people who aren't even close to me asking that I finally just started telling people that we have tried and it's not happening and that my doctor says I don't ovulate. That shuts them up! I don't mean to be rude, but having a child is a private matter and people should mind their own business!
ReplyDeleteAdd to the list: when are you getting married? I got so sick of being asked that when I was in my 20s and single. !
Ugh, isn't it amazing what people will actually say to others out loud and to their face?!? I guess no one has a filter anymore!!! Btw, I left something on my blog for you, check it out when you get a chance =)
ReplyDeleteYour list is the same as mine. Since the day my husband and I got married people have been asking us when we were having a baby. Now when I tell them I am waiting until I finish school they look at me and say, "how old will you be then??" HELLO...30 and over is NOT to old to have a baby. That poor poor girl in class with you, I think 22 is WAY to young to have children. Just my opinion though.
ReplyDeleteHave a great day!
Some people really should think before they speak or keep quiet! I totally know how you feel though. I desperately want kids right now but know that it isn't the right time for me because of all the stress and hours I have ahead of me with medical school. It wouldn't be fair to a little baby so we will just have to wait until I am done. I will most likely be in my early to mid-30s (possibly even late 30s) before I can even begin thinking about it. I do feel a little rushed but it is what it is. I get the same questions all the time and wish I could just shout "even already!" Besides, my munchkins are my children as I'm sure Gracie is your child!
ReplyDeleteI have always said I will never pressure my kids that way. I can't even imagine how aggravating that must be!
ReplyDeleteThis is so funny to me, because my family is the EXACT opposite. My MIL is constantly reminding me that there's no rush, and that we should live and enjoy our lives - travel, have fun! My parents had 10 kids, so they still have kids at home, plus 5 grandkids from my older sisters. So no pressure there, either. I find that the only real pressure is what I put on myself about when it's going to be the "right" time. It is aggravating though when people tell me their "horror" stories about how they waited and waited and then it took them 5 years to get pregnant and they didn't give birth till they were 40. I don't need to hear that!
ReplyDeleteI agree with you girl!! I had my first at 28 and wasnt even sure if I was ready then...lol! 22 is SO young! To each their own...and you can start trying WHENEVER you are ready :)
ReplyDeleteSo annoying! I must give off a good vibe because people usually didn't/don't pester me (too much) about any of those 3.
ReplyDeleteAnd please, ENJOY your time without kids. I waited until I was 31. I have friends that are waiting even longer. When and if you're ready, you're ready. Plenty of time.
People can be really insensitive sometimes. 1st people feel ready to have babies at all different ages and times in there lives and NO ONE should make anyone else feel wrong/bad for feeling otherwise.
ReplyDeleteI just turned 23 and had Mason the day after but had I not gotten pregnant unexpectedly I wouldn't have had kids for quite a while. I wanted to enjoy being young. Now I'll enjoy it in a different way of course cause Mason really was a blessing accident or not lol.
My Mom had her last baby at 40 and her eggs weren't rotted IMAGINE that! And look at Mrs. Duggar, her eggs look anything but rotted I think she's 43 or so and she just had her latest child. I think people forget sometimes that not everyone is in the same situation as themselves. I would try not to stress it too much. When you and your Hubby are ready you'll do it and until then casually putting your middle finger up with out anyone noticing has always been my favorite way to say eff you (Think the classic rubbing your eyebrows with your middle finger)
My husband and I waited 7 years. My daughter is married 8 years today, she is 28 and has no plans. Years ago people needed to worry more about the clock but it ticks longer in todays world.
ReplyDeleteI'm 31 and single. At this moment - I'll be happy to find Mr. Right and deal with having kids later. Do I want kids? YES! But not now and certainly not alone.
ReplyDeletePlus, my dogs are my kids. :-)
THE GIRL Was 22! I nearly spit my drink out when I read that part!
ReplyDeleteI will be 27 next month and no baby for me yet either, and EVERYONE asks and tells me I am getting old, bla bla. What you said- it is rude to ask becuase how do they know what the person's situation is!? Maybe they are trying and are having difficulty! It all started right after I got married.
I completely agree with you. It really is no ones business but yours and your husbands. I get asked all the time if I have kids and when I say "no" they always respond by telling me not to worry and that I have plenty of time. I'm 35 and counting the years til menopause so I can stop worrying about getting pregnant because I don't want kids! Try telling someone you don't want children and see the response you get. Talk about people needing to mind their own business!!
ReplyDeleteAnd then once you have one, the comments about giving that poor kid a sibling will start- and then if you have more than two people will begin asking if you're done yet LOL
ReplyDeleteOkay...so I have a friend, we'll call her Ana (haha- totally her name - I'm an asshole)...anyway...She once told me that if I don't get married soon and have kids I will be an old mom. This was after I said that I won't marry until I'm at least 30 and won't have kids until I'm married for a couple of year. Also, she knew my mom was 34 when she had me. Ana got married at almost 19 to a guy that she knew for like less than a year. His name is Drew - btw. Ana and Drew popped out 2 kids by the time they were 23. They got divorced at 23. She started dating another dude and got knocked up by this guy after less than 6 months. Now she's 24, has 3 kids, and a boyfriend/baby daddy that kissed her sister. Ana works at Walmart when in reality she wants to be an RN...why? Because she got married and had kids and now she CAN'T go to school. Moral of the story...everyone is different. At least you're trying to do it the right way. You're making good decisions that are right for you and screw everyone who thinks otherwise...
ReplyDeleteSomeone actually told you that your eggs were going to rot?! I'm 28, have no kids and me and the hubby have no immediate plans for kids. We might not have kids at all. At this point, we'll take it if we have a "happy little accident" but we're not actively trying.
ReplyDeleteI can't believe they said your eggs were going to rot! I'm still stunned.