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My tirade this week is actually a question for all of you
An Etiquette question....
We have a group of friends that pretty regularly invite us to their houses. This group has approx. 6 couples in it -- we never go to the same house every time. BUT, every time any of them invite us over, they send an email saying BYOB (bring your own beverage) AND BYOS (bring your own snack).
Now I was born in the south which means of COURSE I will bring you a hostess gift for having us over (usually a bottle of wine). However, I do not necessarily think that you should require everyone to bring their own beverage AND snack. It has gotten to the point that Justin and I joke and call these outings a BYOP (bring your own PARTY) affair.
One of the couples is having everyone (8 couples) over for New Years and has said that every couple will need to bring $40 with them to cover food/drinks. Well, we will be in the Bahamas so we can't go anyway.... but really? $40? What the heck are you cooking that is going to cost $320 for you to make?
When we have people over we do not expect them to bring anything. We provide the drinks, the "snacks", and all the trimmings.
What do you guys think? Am I just being hard to get along with? Is this normal practice nowadays? Or do you think it is weird?
I would love to hear your opinions...
PS: I have 68 Christmas cards to send out. They are sitting on my coffee table mocking me because I don't have time to write on them, stuff them or address them. Maybe I will get them out by New Years.
PPS: Kathie @ My Net Finds taught me how to make it "snow" on my blog.. don't you love it?!?!
ok, now it is your turn!
Write a post (or use an old one), grab the button and link up at the bottom!
I love your snow!!! It's so pretty! I agree with you, any time I have people over, I take care of everything and do not expect them to bring anything. And, that $40 is just crazy! Who charges people to come to a party at their house? I'm glad that you'll be on a fabulous trip and won't have to contend with that fiasco. One time in high school, we had to go to 1 friend's house to work on a school project. There were 4 of us and her mom made us chicken and a baked potato and charged us all $10! Isn't that ridiculous? My mom never would've tried to charge my friends. Goodness!! I got all worked up about this one!
ReplyDeleteCharging people to come to a party sounds like a college house party, where you have to pay to get a cup to drink from the keg. I've never heard of such a thing. Every time I host a party, I provide everything.... food, alcohol, music, games, etc. In my opinion, that's pretty much the job of the hostess! If you don't want to do that then don't host a party. Pretty simple if you ask me.
ReplyDeleteThat's bizarre. It's one thing to ask if you can bring something, and like you said, a hostess gift- but to be required is just odd. Especially because it rotates- I mean, shouldn't it all equal out? And $40 is insane.
ReplyDeleteI think it snowed enough here, no need to make it snow on your blog :P We just got a tiny 30 cm.
ReplyDeleteLove the snow on your blog! I can't believe that someone would ask you to bring your own drinks & snacks... I could never show up to someones house empty handed of course but having the host actually ask seems over the top to me! Heck my husband and I always have our friends over for dinner, I could never imagine charging them oh my!
ReplyDeleteomg, I'm so glad you agree!!! My in-laws had a weiner roast in October and told everyone to bring everything! If I am hosting a party, then part of hosting duties are to provide beverages and anything else. I would never dream of asking people to bring their own to my party. I guess this is a new fad or something!
ReplyDeleteI agree with you and everyone who posted above. That is crazy to expect people to bring everything else. Unless they have the most awesome house in the world with George Clooney taking your jacket when you arrive, Oscar Blandi giving you a quick blowout in the bathroom, and Lady Gaga providing the entertainment, it is tacky to ask your guests to bring snacks and drinks or money.
ReplyDeleteHmmm....toughie. Personally, that's not my style! Unless I'm actively involved in something like a church potluck, when I throw a party, it's my party: I cook, clean, serve, decorate, everything.
ReplyDeletePeople will bring a bottle of wine, etc., as most do, when invited someplace and not wanting to show up empty-handed, but I can't think of a time when I asked someone to bring anything for MY party.
(I will note: I've called my best friend, panicked, after I realized I'm missing something crucial for one of these said parties, and begged her to pick it up at the store on her way in. She always obliges, but she's my BFF since I was little. So it's a wee bit different there, I guess.)
Sometimes when we have a big party we may ask people to bring their own beer and things like that. We will have some for everyone but I have seen that everyone usually brings their own. But I do not charge or ask people to bring their own food or drinks. It is a party. We went to a Halloween party and were ask to bring money to help out with the band it was not a big deal only $5 per person. Children were free. Good luck with the cards. I need to get stamps on mine.. Have a great day..
ReplyDeleteI'm with you - if you're hosting a party, then don't require guests to provide the food or drinks (or money to pay for them). If someone calls and asks "Can I bring anything?", I always says no, that the only thing they need to bring is themselves!
ReplyDeleteI'm with you. When we host, we provide whatever we need. If someone OFFERS, we say just bring a drink or dessert or whatever they want to - because some people feel better contributing SOMETHING. (I know I do.) But to request it - never. Especially cash! That reminds me of a college keg party where you pay for your red cup! Poor manners.
ReplyDeleteI'm with you I would never expect my guests to bring their own food. Now we have a sunday lunch group that we divide up the lunch menu and each couple brings something but that's a little different. If I am hosting the party I am providing the goodies.
ReplyDeletePS I freaking love the snow!!
ReplyDeleteI think it's weird. I like to provide the food and drink if I invite people over for a gathering. Sometimes people will bring something small like a dessert or wine to share, but it was not required. Once my brother had a HUGE 4th of July party with lots of adults and kids, and everyone brought their own BBQ item to grill. I thought at that time it made sense because there were so many people (and tastes). But small gatherings...not so much.
ReplyDeleteThe snow is adorable and I love it!
$40!! That is just wild. I don't think that is a proper way to host a party. And I usually don't ask people to bring something, ever, but like you they usually show up with something fun to drink! :)
ReplyDeleteI am from the North, where manners aren't always what they are in the South, and I have never heard of anything like this post college!!! During college people not involved in the greek system would throw holiday cocktail parties and ask each couple to chip in $20.00 for the cost of alcohol, or bring their own if they would prefer. $40 seems very very steep!!
ReplyDeletePS. I tagged you today in my post!!
Ummm....RUDE! You cannot have a party at YOUR house....but expect the guests to BRING the party supplies. I just don’t get it.
ReplyDeleteI kinda understand letting people know that they can bring a special beverage if they prefer something specific...but DEF not food. That is the host’s duty! Why even has a party if you are not going to 'host' it?!?! Preparation is 1/2 the fun anyway!!
Ok, I agree that's a little weird. We do have friends whose houses we go to for dinner and we'll bring desert or an app to help out, or things like that. They do the same at our house, but we don't require it as part of the invite. (Once you've got kids and don't have as much time to cook everything, this is very helpful). And I'm from the South too, and you don't throw a party and then ask people to bring everything with them. That's just tacky. And $40. How much booze and food are they planning on?
ReplyDeleteI think that is totally lame-o....what's the point of having a party?? And you're right, what exactly costs $320, filet mignon? If you're going to pay, you should be able to order and I would so be feeling like crab legs that night. lol
ReplyDeleteI think it's a sign of the times that people even have to ask people to bring their own stuff. I was raised that if you go to someone's house for a get-together, you bring something, whether wine, a tin of cookies, whatever... But unfortunately, many weren't raised that way so here's the deal. When someone decides to have a party, it should be understood they will bear the brunt, if not all, of the expense. That's what they sign up for when they announce the party. If they're tired of throwing parties and doing all the providing when none of their other friends throws parties and invites them, maybe they should investigate their friendships. I have neighbors who would have parties every other week...because they loved to have people over (and they had a need to be appreciated and that was how they felt they got it). They never asked us to bring anything but when I always asked, "What can I bring?" and they'd give me some ideas but it was understood it was never required.
ReplyDeletethis is RUDE RUDE RUDE
ReplyDeleteI'm having a wine and app party but providing a TON of food.
That beats my rude party invite I recieved.
ReplyDeleteI recieved an invite to a house warming party for this couple I am BARELY friends with. It was an invite on FB too.
It was BYOB
Potluck and it gave a list of 3 places the couple is registered and it said there would be a money tree at the party!
NO. NO. NO. I did not go and I laughed at the invite. My husband and I have not had our house warming party yet, BUT when we do, we will provide food and drinks...and maybe I will ask my CLOSE friends to bring a dish, becuase they always ask me to bring one to their parties...but BYOB and BYOS is just ridic! What exactly are THEY hosting then???
I agree. I just ALWAYS bring a dish or wine when we are invited to someone's house and I would think others would do the same if invited to my house.
Nope, I agree with you. A hostess gift is proper etiquette but this bringing things is not cool and the CASH is just tacky!
ReplyDeleteWhat a cute blog. Love your header. And I agree with everything above. If you want to ask people to bring a dish (ie potluck) that's one thing, but what craziness! I say don't go. Tell them you're saving your money to donate to the soup kitchen.
ReplyDeleteFirst, I am impressed that your Christmas cards are ready to go... mine are still unwritten... still in their sealed box, for that matter.
ReplyDeleteSecond, I hosted a holiday party for about 20 adults two years ago. We did heavy hor d'vours (omg, I am not even going to think about how horridly I misspelled that) and two spiked punches, and I think it cost me (factoring in buying silverware and cups and everything) about $150. So yea, $40 a couple is WAY too much-- are they trying to make a profit???
~Elizabeth
http://confessionsfromaworkingmom.blogspot.com
Yep, that's weird. Too bad you'll be sunning it up and missing the charge-your-guests party! ☺
ReplyDeleteYour snow is cool...I am definitely going to try it out!
First of all, WOW I didn't even NOTICE your snow until I read that part, I HONESTLY thought my eyes were just f*cked up or I was dizzy or something. WOWwww... I'm glad its snow! haha
ReplyDeleteSecond of all I completely agree with about the BYOP. I pretty much expect that guests to an event will bring something (ya usually a bottle of wine!!) but I wouldn't never request or demand that, and I think if you're hosting a party it is REALLY rude to ask guests to PAY YOU!!! I mean, thats beyond bringing food/drink. Seriously??
Ok, I'm almost poor, and when we have people over I never ask them to BYOA (bring your own ANYTHING) lol. Never!
ReplyDeleteThat's just odd.
It seems strange to me! If I host a get-together, I'm always delighted if a guest OFFERS to help out or bring a dish, but I never ASK them to do so. If I can't afford to provide the food/drinks then I just don't host a party. Period.
ReplyDeleteSeriously? You don't agree with that? Those people are kind enough to invite you to their house. Isn't that enough for you, Amy?! You should be bring them $40 A PIECE at.least.
ReplyDeleteOK. Did I at least have you going?
I think it's ridic and there's no way it h-e-double-hockey-sticks that they're spending that much - unless they're serving filet mignon. Or saffron. Did you know saffron is the world's most expensive food?
That's what some random website says. I don't know how it figures, but you should tell them unless they're serving SAFFRON (straight up), there's no way it's going to cost them $320 for one night.
40 dollars, that is the most awful thing I have ever heard of.
ReplyDeleteYou might as well go out to dinner or something and pick what you want if you are going to have to pay for yourself. There is something to be said for a covered dish party but really. I'm actually shocked at all of this.
That is highway robbery!!!
ReplyDeleteI have to say that I've lucked out. My group of friends rotate homes too, but not a single one of us has ever asked the others to bring snacks or drinks. Of course, we all come armed with "treats" anway... but it's never expected!
And I LOVE the snow! Very festive. :-)
Wow. That floors me. BYOB, maybe...but bring your own snack? That's a bit much!
ReplyDeleteFirst, I love your snow.
ReplyDeleteSecondly...that's just crazy bad manners asking for cash.
I have NEVER EVER EVER asked anyone to pay to come to my parties EVER. I would be mortified if someone paid me to come to a party.
I love to entertaining and I do appreciate a hostess gift or if someone wants to contribute a dish or hd but I don't ever ask them to bring anything at all.
My brother and his family come over almost every weekend during the summer to use our pool. He will call ahead and ask what we need and I'm not the least bit afraid to tell him to bring this or that. However he's here almost every weekend so it's not like a special party. They practially live here which we LOVE. His GF will make a fruit platter or desert and we make the meal and we all get along great. I love having them here but if I did have to cook every single thing for them EVERY weekend I might get a little cranky so this arrangement works out for us. This is the only exception to my "bring nothing" rule.
Other than that, I have no need to ask anyone for anything when entertaining...wow! I'd pass on that invite!! Sounds like you have MUCH more exciting plans anyway!!!!
Good morning! I left you something on my blog...
ReplyDeleteI am from and still live in the South but I have friends who aren't Southern who would totally agree with you. It is definitely weird for hosts to ask you to BYOB and snack. Hosting a party means that you are actually providing SOMETHING other than your house to hold it in. It is only proper to bring a hostess gift, like you said, but unless it is a potluck, it is just distasteful for the host to ask the guests to bring their own drinks and snacks.
ReplyDeleteI have a question? My sister and brother-in-law always show up with a big gulp to any party me and my wife host. Is this bad manners?
ReplyDelete